You remind me of what has been, and what can never be.

Hey. I feel extremely weird right now. Ok so Ella I think that is the most amazing idea ever! That would be so cool for all of us to have completely different experiences and it would be great. Except I know some of us (coughmarlowcough) would never leave for a whole year in the middle of their athletic prime. But those people are losers. Haha anyways. Yes that's a great idea. Today was my mamas bday. It was aight. Yeah, so I didn't get to go to logos:( and now I might not get my phone back til Saturday! Ugh ugh ugh. Haha oh well it actually isn't bothering me all that much. Nathan came by with birthday banana bread for my mom and stayed for like two hours. Haha it was greeeeat. I'm nervous for the math quiz. Doing the review right now. And I'm also just anxious. I don't know why, lately I just feel like I'm missing something, and I'm waiting for something else. It's throwing me way off balance. Ella I wish I could do somethin with you Halloween but becca already asked me to stay at her house... And I said sure.
So, as some of you know, I am a strong believer in fate/destiny/it'smeanttobeness, and this is throwing me, if everything happens for a reason, then why is this happening? Why is everything happening? What's the meaning behind all of this. Cuz if it isn't leading us somewhere than what's the use of putting up with this shit?
I had a weird moment today, I walked into English and saw sherpie, and he was wearing that red shirt that he Always wears, and I had this flashback of the day that he fought with Nick about me, and he was wearing that shirt, and I remember just catching a glimpse of the red in the staircase and my heart sank. And I just relived that moment today as I walked into english and caught a glimpse of his red shirt. And something just hit me, and I don't even know what it is. That was the night he told me he loved me the first time. And I honestly beleive that I loved him in a way too. And now, six months later, everything has changed. And then I realized that not just with him, but everything. Everything has changed. My life is completely different now. I have changed, and something inside me has just flipped. And it's different. I'm not sure if it's good different or not. And that's scary. There's no other way to put it.
Do you guys have this void inside you? I know I do. And I have ever since I can remember. And if you have it too, do you feel like your goal is to find what will fill it? Maybe i'm crazy, but I am having an epiphany night.
You know what I love more than anything else? Clouds. Just clouds. You know there is millions of them that have been in the sky over the years. But not one has been the same as another, but we all know that they are made of the same... Well, stuff. Just like all of us. We are all so different, but we are all made of the same stuff. Also, I feel like the clouds are the same thing, just in different forms. Just like our personalities, we are in different forms, but we are always the made of the same stuff. Just a thought.
For those of you who I love the most (Aka Ella because she's seen serendipity) I am looking at Cassiopeia right now. I looked up where it is in the sky, and guess what? Right where it is, a little patch of the night sky peaked through the clouds. Coincidence? I think not...


Mack